gm-recap-session-21

This session began rather quietly with an unassuming semi-random encounter that mirrored one you had nearly a year ago outside of Tolkien at a secret Coalition vault. This time you guys found a “HATCH” on the floor and upon entering it — found yourselves inside of a giant technological organic cyborg type body. Uh oh! AN IRON JUGGERNAUT?!?! You did some exploring and Chris found a Sovietski journal and Dave and Isaac fucked with the power-source / electrical vault. There was both regular 480 VAC and PPE entering in through two different major conduits. For all intents and purposes it looked like a major Techno-Wizardry laboratory / workshop. Despite your best efforts you couldn’t get the Iron Juggernaut to come alive but HDSS pocketed all the computers hard drives and all the TW devices he could get his grubby little mitts on. You guys did some cursory inspection and found a familiar inscription but weren’t able to confirm it without a consultation with Jaena Slayne.

Then…

Without further ado…

The ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY RUSSIAN ROVING FAERIE FUN CIRCUS CARNIVAL OF DEATH AND DEBAUCHERY

For an actual accounting I’m hoping to get a character journal or THREE from my players and a nice adventure log. As usual there’s bonus experience for people who get done within the first week after the session.

Isaac won the BEST IN SHOW prize for bringing and cooking sliders, cotton candy vodka, and some carnival shooters! Dave was runner-up with his REAL COTTON CANDY!!! Isaac won the most tickets and won the most fishing prizes and ticket prizes. Everyone won at least one shirt and / or book. I believe Isaac also took home the gourmet curry popcorn! Isaac won the REAL LIFE PINATA SMASHING CONTEST and split the thing in half! Dave was a notable mention for almost cracking it open and nearly crushing my face in the process. James made out with a new suit of armor. Trent got his fortune read. HDSS got pissy but made out with lots of loot to justify the massive waste of time. Lots of faerie food and crazy effects was consumed and HDSS and James battled it out in a DUEL to the ALMOST DEATH which looked decidedly lopsided in HDSS favor despite his having imbibed the SLOE GIN…and subsequently taking super-hyper-sugar STIX for adrenaline-surging Juicer abilities! James could only get a hit on the ultra-parrying battle magus with a nat 20 and…after 16 tries…he finally hit a nat 20 on a called shot to the throat and HDSS was stunned for one round too many without being able to defend himself.

It was fuckin’ AWESOME!

Trent used the mail service. HDSS got a suit of Leather of Iron enchanted. Lots and lots of games were played and booby prizes were won and TICKETS WERE REDEEMED!!!!

And in the end, the roving carnival deposited the group 4000 miles nearer their destination as a present from the GM on the opposite end of the massive continent — right smack dab on the border of Mongolia.

Cheers!

GM NOTES REPRINTED HERE:


(Rifts Conversion Book 1 Revised)

Many Faerie Folk are nomadic and travel continually, seldom staying in one place for more than a few months. This carnival is one such nomadic tribe. Faerie Rings can be a crop circle-like pattern woven in the grass or vegetation and encircled by flowers and mushrooms (effectively a double ring) or an area of grass rimmed by mushrooms or flowers in a perfect circle. This is where Faeries like to play and frolic and dance and hold parties. Such rings can be located on a ley line or other place of magic or just some place that strikes the wee folks fancy. If a human, D-Bee, or other Non-Faerie Folk steps into the Ring during the Faeries Dance that individual is compelled to join the dance until the festivities cease or he is willingly released by the Faeries. The enchantment of the Faerie Ring is more powerful than normal spell magic and is always considered a ritual requiring a saving throw vs magic of 16 or better and requires one Faerie or sprite to activate it.

Faeries have been known to sing and dance for weeks at a time without pause. Victims of a Faerie Ring are completely helpless (-10s,p,d) and magically sustained for the length of the dance, enabling them to dance uninterrupted for weeks. The captive can be rescued by a friend who, with at least one other holding his coattails, joins teh dance, always keeping one foot out of the ring, in order to pull the dancer out. Of course Faerie Folk may participate in the fun without actually being charmed and compelled to dance.

The Faerie Ring is a powerful place of magic that also offers the following powers and abilities to those within, provided one knows how to use it. Can be used as a Circle of Protection (simple or superior), as a Sanctum (the area within the circle; same as spell), and the circle holds 80 P.P.E. that can be used to place mortals into an enchanted slumber.
The enchanted slumber places its victim into a state of suspended animation (does not age nor muscle atrophy). The enchanted sleeper remains asleep for 1d6 hours after being removed from the circle. But if left in the circle or placed inside a Faerie Mound that individual remains enchanted and asleep until he is rescued and removed from the circle or mound, or until the Faeries release him from their enchantment or until the Faeries move out of the area. As usual a 16 or higher is needed to save vs this enchantment. The magic slumber only happens when an angry or mischievous Faerie calls upon it; counts as one melee action and can only be attempted by that Faerie on a particular individual once every 24 hours.

BEST BROUGHT DISH PRIZE LIST:

https://www.popcornpalace.com/Checkout

1. 5000 bonus xp for a character of your choosing.

2. 500,000 credit credit chip for a character of your choosing

3. Swag from Brent – namely shirts, books, all pertaining to the minion war and retailing for up to $20 bucks each

4. Exclusive in game title that will follow your character around with an honorary recognition and a badge of infamy

5. Gift Basket of the Gods (an edible arrangement) – a cornucopia of faerie food (10 servings of any faerie food, mystic herb, or magic potion that you desire).

PINATA PRIZE LIST:
Peanut-Butter Cups – 10xp
Beef Jerky – 100 UTC
M&M’s – 50xp
Reese’s – 200 UTC
Kit Kat – 75xp
Twix – 50 UTC
Milky Way – 100xp
Almond Joy – 75 UTC
Crunch – 150xp
Snickers – 150 UTC

TICKET REDEMPTION PRIZE LIST:

(1) – Booby Prize – (1) breast, full, supple, and beautiful. The areola is dimpled and the nipple is erect as if the breast is chilly or there is a slight breeze. From the nipple oozes a trickle of blood that can be coaxed from the mammary like sucking a root beer float through a straw. This blood supply never ends and the breast never runs dry or barren with a steady flow of P.P.E. and magic-rich environments. The viscous, crimson liquid tastes metallic, alkaline and almost ferrous; it is real human blood. The booby prize is basically a gag gift that can double as a vampire chew toy. It is essentially a P.P.E. vampire / transfusion that turns psychic energy into actual blood. It ALSO mystically allows you to nurse an infant of any race (including aliens, d-bees, vampires, PPE vampires, etc.)

(1) – Rubber Ducky “whoopie” Cushion – guaranteed to “quack” your friends up and make the most inappropriate noises at the most inappropriate times!

(2) – Faerie Fun Food – (1) serving of a faerie fun food of your choice
(3) – Credit Chip “gag” Toy – this fake credit chip can be programmed to display ANY sum of credits as long as it has enough digits to display the read-out. However, the ruse is instantly up if a transaction is attempted as the chip cannot be verified and isn’t linked to any known credit union or banking institution.

(3) – Stegosaurus Plush Toy – a tiny toy stuffed animal dinosaur. This would make a great gift for a little boy!

(4) – “I Survived the Russian Roving Faerie Circus-Carnival and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt” t-shirt — an indestructible souvenir that is guaranteed to attract all the ladies and vouch for your credibility in the most unusual and unexpected circumstances.

(4) – “You get to drink from the fire hose!” – who doesn’t wanna drink from the fire hose? When a gout of flame spews forth and a jet of molten lava sprays your face you’ll be glad the Russian roving circus pocket dimension is governed by some very odd rules. You gain permanent resistance to fire (half damage from both S.D.C. and M.D. fires, lasers, and plasma).

(5) – Fun Waiver – Waive the entry fun fee to any “game” (not event)

(6) – Faerie Buff Food – (1) serving of any faerie buff food

(7) – Travel Pals Backpack – carry-all travel pals backpack replete with dimensional pocket to hold all your extraneous travel-items

(7) – Liquid Transfiguration Stupor Soaker Squirt Gun – magically enhances or converts any liquid into an alchemical opposite (water to wine, urine to water, alcohol to holy water)

(8) – Skateboard – This ultra-high tech “Skate-of-the-Art” TW Skateboard is one of a kind! Modeled after the old-style 20th century skateboards and fueled by your own potential psychic energy it grips the user’s feet with “skate-anywhere” adhesive carpeting, VTOL flight, and an impressive Aura of Power for the ULTIMATE in parkour freestyle expression.

(9) – Bubble-Blowing toy gun (see bubble magic)

(10) – Shirt of your choice

(10) – Chrome Buddha PES dispenser w / (1) pack of Peppermint PES – This special dispenser enhances the PES pellets dispensed by increasing their duration to 20 minutes per pellet and increasing the level at which they operate to 15.

(10) – Phylactery of Porphyric Hemophilia – a viral toxin that infects the blood and confers a blood disease that gives the infected incredible strength and regenerative powers, immunities to certain weapons, a strong sensitivity to light, and an aversion to silver, water, garlic, holy symbols, and other random shit that doesn’t make a lick o’ sense. The character needs to ingest a minimum quantity of blood to sustain his new powers and must live with the stigma of such horrific appetites.

(10) – Phylactery of Porphyric Lycanthropy – a viral toxin that infects the blood and confers a blood disease that gives the infected incredible strength and regenerative powers, immunities and vulnerabilities, and the unfortunate side-effect of shape-shifting into a monstrous beast during the full moon; in time this metamorphosis can be controlled. The bloodlust is permanent and only sated by the taste of blood and occasionally raw, red meat…preferably humanoid in nature.

(12) – Jerome Baker Blown-Glass Bubbler – this incredible glass piece is guaranteed to be the life of any party! The Jerome Baker Psychedelic Designs Company hand crafts and mouth-blows all of their unique pieces. Runes are inscribed down the side of the chamber and glow faintly along the mouthpiece but pulse rhythmically and “flare” when the tube is “pulled.” Name: Sherlock, I.Q.: 21, powers and abilities are currently undisclosed.

(14) – Disco Mirror Ball – Re-live your “golden” years every time you break this puppy out! The Psychedelic Seventies Disco Ball is guaranteed to make you wanna “Stroke it!” before you “lay down and boogie and play that funky music ’til you die!” The TW Disco Ball creates an aura of magical darkness but uses globe of true sunlight technology to reflect off of it’s every scintillating, rotating, reflective surface. Everyone within range will want to “get down on it”

(14) – Puppy – That’s right! You just won a real-live puppy! Pick any species of dog-like creature from any book and you have a “puppy” version of it that will need to be housebroken and trained and socialized and ROLLED UP FOR STATS!

(15) – Book of your choice

THE FUN FACTOR: The amount of fun you have in this circus-carnival is magically assessed throughout the feast and festival. The instant you step foot in this roving pocket-dimension your fun-levels are gauged by the magic governing this dimension. Fun levels start at ZERO. Games and attractions COST fun-factor fun levels and rides and foods EARN fun-factor fun points. Upon exiting the carnival-circus pocket dimension all fun is lost and returns to zero.

MAGIC SUPPRESSION: While in the roving Russian faerie circus carnival of death ALL external magic is suppressed as if constantly under the effects of an anti-magic cloud. Natural rolls of 18, 19, and 20 will allow magic to bleed through at 1/2 the power BUT it will also alert the P.P.E. Police to the attempt. Using magic in the carnival is considered a misdemeanor that is punishable by tickling. Repeated infractions will be considered miscreant behavior punishable by intensely torturous tickling (tickle torture is a common cause of death) and gluttonous force-feeding.

GAMES

Pin the Whale on the Honkey – Entry – 1 fun point, Theoretical – Contestant is blindfolded, spun around 5 times rapidly, and given a direction to run with a giant cardboard cover of humungous fat woman – Actual – roll a save vs. magic 12, if successful roll your sense of balance -20%, if NOT roll sense of balance -50%, on a successful SoB roll 1d4 a 1 or a 4 WINS! unsuccessful SoB roll 2d4 and a 1 or 4 WINS Prize – Win a magical Goldfish that will die in 1d4 days (goldfish provides “luck” for owner as long as it is alive) and (1) ticket

Guess the Number – Entry – 2 fun points, Theoretical – a number is written on the hawker’s card — he shows it to a member of the audience, then the audience guesses the number, Actual – I roll a D20, everyone only gets 1 guess, closest person wins booby prize, anyone guesses the actual number and they get GRAND PRIZE, Booby Prize – actual booby, soft, supple, and very lifelike, magical “nursing” allows wielder to nurse an infant of any race / alien / d-bee, and (1) ticket, GRAND PRIZE – 100k credit chip in UTC and (10) tickets

Feets of Strength – Entry – 4 fun points, Theoretical – A giant mallet awaits your hands and being pounded into the bulls-eye lever. Hit it hard enough and win a prize! Actual – roll to strike the lever, add P.P. bonus, requires an 8+ to hit (small target), on a successful hit roll damage and add your P.S. bonus, the mallet does 3d6 damage. Do over 40 damage with a single hit and win a prize! Prize – Win a Maxwell Silver Hammer – mystical properties for forges / smiths and (2) tickets

Bull’s-Eye Baseball – Entry – 4 fun points, Theoretical – Three attempts to throw a magical ball into the bulls-eye button that will DUNK the cute little faerie. She’s had her wings tied back and restrained so she doesn’t fly away. Actual – roll a D20 to strike with NO W.P. bonuses only straight P.P. — dump her into the drink on an 16+, she gets held down in the drink and drowned on a critical success. Prize – the satisfaction of knowing you abused a faerie and got away with it and (2) tickets, on a critical you will win your own imprisoned faerie (in a magical gl0w-bug jar) and (10) tickets.

Russian Roulette – Entry – 2 fun points, Theoretical – a massive .45 caliber revolver handgun, shiny, metallic, chrome has 1 “bullet” out of the 6 chambers. Roll the revolver chambers, put the gun up to your temple, and pull the trigger. Actual – GM ROLLS A D6, Players roll a D6 and a straight die-roll. Same number loses. May pull the trigger consecutively going “up” the die-numbers, gambling with his prize. Prize – tickets double per “click” starting at (1), on a failure confetti strands pop out and tinsel rains from the sky / gun. Alternate – PLAY FOR KEEPS – Entry – ALL of your current fun points – GM rolls a D6 and shows this roll to an inactive player. Russian Roulette player rolls his D6. If his number is the same he takes 1d6x10 damage called shot to the head (enters suspended animation / death trance for 1d4 hours if this is a killing blow — death is almost impossible inside the carnival pocket dimension). If his number is NOT the same he wins ALL his fun points back and (2) tickets, can choose to pull the trigger again and each “click” doubles the ticket prize. 4+ clicks prize BALLS OF STEEL (magical balls that spin and hover and orbit around the character about the size of a golf ball that block incoming kinetic attacks / damage — the first 25 M.D. of any attack), 5 clicks and you become my personal hero. BALLS OF ADAMANTIUM (magical metal balls that spin and hover and orbit just like the balls of steel only they block the first 50 M.D. of any kinetic attack)

Rifts Bingo – Entry – 5 fun points, Theoretical – the players sit down and each is handed a Bingo card. Bingo Balls are pulled until a player wins 5 in a row. Acutal – bingo cards are distributed, a percentile die is rolled, until someone wins. Prize – (5) tickets

Whack-a-Mole-Guac-a-Mole – Entry – 10 fun points, Theoretical – players are given a mallet to whack the guacamole mole who pokes his head up like a groundhog. The number of successful strikes corresponds to the prize. Actual – Players roll to strike using only their straight P.P. bonus. A successful hit on 5+ as usual. With each successful hit a “guacamole” groundhog explodes and adds a cumulative -3 slippery-factor to the strike roll. Players get as many attempts as they have APM in 1 melee. No spells or buffs may be used. Prize – (X) tickets per successful strikes and a healthy helping of Whack-a-Mole Guac-a-Mole (1) serving of the faerie food

Faerie Food Skeet Ball – Entry – 2 fun points, Theoretical – Skeet ball with impairment. Step right up and test your manual-dexterity skills against the skeet-chute while under the influence of a smorgasbord of faerie food! Actual – eat a random faerie food and roll to strike with only P.P. bonuses – 8-12 Booby Prize, 13-16 (1) tickets, 17-19 (2) tickets, 20+ (3) tickets, Nat 20 (5) tickets

Puppy Pinata! – Entry – 4 fun points, Theoretical – a cute puppy pinata hangs from a tree and the entrants swing away and bash away on the paper mache until someone busts it open. Actual – Pinata has 500 M.D.C., each player gets a strike roll and damage with the broom-stick. The players are spun-around until they are super dizzy and given the stick to smack the pinata. Straight P.P. bonuses are all that can be added to strike roll and all P.P. bonuses are at -5. Each player gets one strike in initiative turn-order and the player who depletes the LAST M.D.C. wins the prize. Prize – (2) tickets and the broomstick of dizzying death (anything hit must save vs magic at 13 or better or be spun around dizzying)

Aerial Joust – Entry – 5 fun points, Theoretical – can be played 2 ways (participating / spectating and betting for straight credits). The players are outfitted with massive suits of plate armor and Joust on EXOTIC Horseback — pegasai, nightmares, hippogriffs, etc. and the first player unseated loses the joust round. The melee combat portion is first to knock-down. Actual – Players pass notes to the GM with their move and roll for that move (strike / parry / disarm). Roll initiative. Strikes require a Horsemanship exotic percentile roll at -15% and a D20 with only P.P. bonuses and W.P. Lance if applicable to perform the maneuver. Failure on a Horsemanship roll at any time means unseated. A successful strike is any roll above 8 and requires a Horsemanship roll from defender to stay seated. Parry requires a successful parry roll against the strike roll and a Horsemanship roll at 15%. Disarm requires a successful strike roll of 12 and a Horsemanship roll without penalties. Successful Disarm imposes a -4 penalty to all opponent future strike rolls but does not require a Horsemanship roll.

Melee – the player who won the Joust gets initiative. Roll to strike / parry / disarm as usual. All successful strike rolls that are NOT parried have a 50% KD chance. Roll straight die-rolls.

Prize – (2) tickets for a Joust KD, (2) tickets for a melee KD, and a bridle of taming (+10% to animal husbandry, +10% to all horsemanship rolls, +10% to tame wild animals)

Dance Contest (Courtesy of Rob Coxson) – Entry – 2 fun points – Theoretical / Actual – Roll Dance / performance skills against other performers and play to the crowd. See above for magical enchantment of Faerie Ring for saving throws and rules. Prize – (1) ticket per block of duration. Contestants are magically sustained and feel no fatigue during this time.

You start out with a roll on your Dance skill. Anyone that doesn’t have the Dance skill can roll against a base % -5. For every 10% above your skill you roll you get a -1, and for every 10% under you get a +1. Then, you have a number of different checks, depending on the type of dance, to see how well you do the dance and follow all of the steps/changes/flourishes.

For example, Johnny, Terry, Carly, and Steve enter in the contest. They all have NPC dance partners whose rolls don’t count for ease of play. They all roll Dance Skill . Johnny rolls 15 out of 98%. He will get +8 to his roll. Terry rolls 73% out of 54%. He will get a -1. Carly rolls a 51% out of 20%. She gets a -3. Steve rolls a 07% out of 20%. He will get +1. So, that’s J +8, T -1, C -3, and S +1. They are going to do a Waltz, which is a fairly simple dance. As such, there are 4 checks during the dance with a difficulty of 10. Everyone rolls a 1D20 for each check, adding the modifier. A Tango could have 6-8 checks, with a difficulty of a 13. or 4 checks with a difficulty of a 15.
Their score is then calculated:: A roll of a Natural 1 is a -3. 4 and below is a -2, a roll below the difficulty is a -1, breaking even is 0, above the difficulty is 1, 17 and above is 2, Natural 20 is 3.
For each check, the winner gets to describe what happened during the section; Johnny flipped his date through the air, or Carly’s partner trips and they slam into the punch bowl (due to an epic failure).
After all of the checks of the dance, you add all of the scores together, and see who wins. The fun part is the descriptions, so I gave extra XP if the description was good.

It ends up looking like this:
Johnny: -3 +2 +2 +3 = 4
Terry: +3 +3 0 -1 = 5
Carly: -2 -1 0 +2 = -1
Steve: 1 1 -1 -3 = 4
So Johnny won the contest. Terry described the first two rounds, (with input if desired by the rest of the group) then Johnny described the last two round

Art Contest – Entry – 1 fun point – Theoretical / Actual – Roll art skills against other artists and play to the crowd in a race against time. Prize – (1) ticket

Fishing Contest – Entry – 5 fun points – Theoretical – Players will pit their fishing luck and fishing skill against each other in a competition to land the most epic catch! ICE-FISHING AT THE FISH HOLE Actual – roll fishing skill with with corresponding lure-bonuses, each lure is good for 5 casts:

Lure: (2 fun points) Pearl – Fishing Skill +25%, Grand Prize – Bearded Clam (you catch a bearded clam whose quim is a mussel and dials “0” on the pink telephone) – great for a party gag gift!

Lure: (2 fun points) Seahorse – Fishing Skill +20%, Grand Prize – Sea Monkeys (a portable aquarium filled to the brim with happy little seahorses)

Lure: (2 fun points) Conch Shell – Fishing Skill +15%, Grand Prize – Mermaid (humanoid Pneuma-Biform Aquatic sea-creature, upper-half human female, lower-half fishtail, comes with her own portable 50 gallon tank)

Lure: (2 fun points) Snorkel Mask – Fishing Skill +10%, Grand Prize – Great White Shark fitted with bionics, and frickin’ laser beams, comes with its own portable 100 gallon tank

Lure: (2 fun points) Baby Seal – Fishing Skill +5%, Grand Prize – Orca (Full-sized Pneuma-Biform Aquatic Horsemanship mount and companion)

Lure: (3 fun points) Moby Dick – Fishing Skill +0%, Grand Prize – Canister of Albino Sperm (can impregnate any living womb and grow into a non-combat pet Magical Albatross named “Ahab”)

Lure: (4 fun points) Mini-Ahab – Fishing Skill -5%, Grand Prize – Nautilus (1-person nuclear mini-sub)

Lure: (5 fun points) Virgin Vagina – Fishing Skill -10%, Grand Prize – Lord of the Deep Plushy (Sea Inquisitor Writ of Invitation inside)

Fishing Skill Success: 0-40% – NOTHING, 41-50% – Booby Prize, 51-60% – (1) Ticket, 61-75% (3) Tickets, 76-00% – Grand Prize

Tug of War – Entry – 2 fun points – Theoretical – 5 on 5 standing on either side of the line. May the strongest team win. Actual – combine the total P.S. for the entire team. FSP damage rolls (based on combined P.S.) from each team-member. Referee rolls a Percentile and the teams go back and forth trying to win the damage war. Each team’s total combined P.S. is there total damage potential. Prize – (2) tickets per person and the satisfaction of knowing you’re the strongest motherfuckers out there. Plus an honorary in-game T-Shirt that says, “Tug o’ War is for faeries!”

RANDOM FAERIE FOOD (free, roll percentile) or CONCESSION STAND PRICES (pick your poison) — ALL of these foods persist AFTER the pocket dimension is left and the shelf-life is equal to magical preservation of 1d4 weeks of real-time per item.

The beauty of these faerie foods both FUN and BUFF is that the players have no clue what their effects will be and the PCs have no clue what their effects will be so it will be more difficult to premeditate and skew the system. Accepting a RANDOM Faerie FUN Food is FREE for all Carnival goers. Picking only the foods with the least debilitating / cumbersome effects will cost them money…and is an acceptable eventuality. They’ll have to learn which ones are least invasive the “hard” way.

FAERIE FUN FOODS:

Faerie Food – Saving Throw vs Magic (16+) / Remove Curse Spell – 01-02% – Acorn Nuts (costs 25 credits, awards 5 fun points): Makes the character act silly and make “corny” jokes and puns, lasts for 1d4 hours. Beef Cake 02-03% (costs 35 credits, awards 7 fun points): Males who eat this will immediately consider themselves to be of surpassing beauty and skill. Females who eat this will fall in love with the first male they see, lasts 1d4 days. Beets 04-07% (costs 50 credits, awards 10 fun points): victim becomes extremely violent and will attack the closest non-Faerie immediately. This unreasoning rage lasts 3d6 melees (physical beating NOT weapons). Blossom Wine 08-10% (costs 25 credits, awards 5 fun points): Delicious, light, sparkling wine made from flower blossoms. (1) glass gets the character drunk. It makes the character attractive to bees as if he were a flower. The insects don’t sting but 4d6 are constantly buzzing around his head and / or crawling on his body or in his hair. Lasts for 1d4 days! Bubbly Wine 11-14% (costs 50 credits, awards 10 fun points): Causes the drinker to feel light headed and very happy and giggly. However, moments later he will actually be floating into the air. Like a balloon floating up, up, and away without control. The character will be the victim of the wind unless anchored down with an extremely heavy object or tied to a tree or vehicle. Every time he speaks little bubbles escape from his nose and mouth. However, the victim is too drunk and cheerful to care until the effects are over. Then he has a terrible hangover and may have floated miles away. Lasts 1d4 hours per eight ounces. Burgundy Wine 15-18% (costs 25 credits, awards 5 fun points): The drink makes the drinker feel very happy but turns him a vivid burgundy color. The pigment change is permanent until a Remove Curse spell is performed. Beetle Nuts 19-22% (costs 75 credits, awards 10 fun points): A drug-filled nut that causes mild hallucinations in which the victim will see a civilization of friendly giant beetles. Lasts 1d6+2 hours for every nut. Cauliflower 23-25% (costs 25 credits, awards 5 fun points): This amusing vegetable causes the eater’s ears to grow four times larger than normal. Lasts 1d4 months. Candy Walnut 26-29% (costs 50 credits, awards 7 fun points): A random phobia is picked up lasting 1d6 days. Candy Almond 30-33% (costs 50 credits, awards 7 fun points): The eater will see his skin take on the look and textures of tree bark, temporarily reducing P.B. by half. Lasts 1d6+2 days. Cinnamon Sticks 34-37% (costs 100 credits, awards 12 fun points): Victim has the urge to commit acts of sinful evil at irregular periods. The person will be very pleased and self-satisfied during the entire time, regardless of alignment. Lasts 1d6 months. Coffee 38-40% (costs 50 credits, awards 7 fun points): victim begins to cough continuously, ruining sleep, interfering with concentration, reduce Prowl by 70%, reduce other skills by 10%, reduce initiative by half. Lasts 1d6 weeks. Cuckoo Eggs 41-44% (costs 75 credits, awards 12 fun points): small poached or boiled eggs that temporarily reduce the I.Q. to 3 and make him do sill things. Lasts 1d4 hours. Cordial 45-48% (costs 25 credits, awards 5 fun points): light wine which makes the victim feel relaxed and good but makes him behave extremely politely to everyone and everything he meets. He will try to talk himself out of dangerous situations and be polite and mild toward their most hated enemy. It also makes the victim lose initiative and the desire to fight. The victim of a Faerie cordial may only enter into combat if they are attacked first. Lasts 1d6 days for every eight ounces. Duck 49-52% (costs 50 credits, awards 7 fun points): victim gains 3 on all dodge rolls but becomes very timid. Would never lead a charge and would much rather run than fight. Lasts 1d6 days. Faerie Ointment 53-56% (costs 100 credits, awards 5 fun points): a clear liquid that when put in the eyes allows the character to see invisible and the aura of magic. Gives the world a wondrous “glow” and the person is -3 initiative. Lasts 1d4 hours. Flounder 57-59% (costs 25 credits, awards 12 fun points): Victim is confused and unable to make up their mind. Lose initiative and -6s,p,d. Lasts 1d6 days. Frog’s Legs 58-60% (costs 75 credits, awards 12 fun points): victim’s legs assume the shape of a frog’s legs enabling him to leap a number of feet straight up equal to their P.S. and 2x P.S. if jumping forward. Reduce P.B. by half. Permanent until Remove Curse. Goose 61-63% (costs 50 credits, awards 10 fun points): victim feels like he is being pinched at random times, usually when sleeping or when silence is required, causing him to exclaim, cry “ouch,” or suddenly turn toward the apparent source of the pinch. Initiative reduced by half and person is jumpy. Permanent until Remove Curse. Green Beans 64-65% (costs 25 credits, awards 5 fun points): causes the character’s skin to turn green. Permanent until Remove Curse. Honey Buns 66-67% (costs 50 credits, awards 7 fun points): magic, honey-glazed cakes make the character attractive to the uglier Faerie Folk who will fawn all over him, make advances, pinch his bottom, blow kisses, and try to entice his affections. Lasts 1d4 hours. Magic Mushrooms 68-69% (costs 75 credits, awards 12 fun points): tasty morsels cause the character to hallucinate pleasant things. -8 initiative, all combat rolls reduced by HALF, can’t easily discern fantasy from reality. Priests / Shaman are +10% to commune with their deity while under the influence. Lasts 1d4 hours. Mixed Nuts 70-71% (costs 50 credits, awards 20 fun points): roll for 1d4 random phobias. Lasts 1d6 weeks. Victim doesn’t remember every being afraid of any of his phobias after they are gone. Mushroom Saute 72-74% (costs 100 credits, awards 15 fun points): enticing, aromatic mushroom that tastes wonderful but makes the character feel war, complacent, and drowsy; -5 initiative, -30% on speed and skills. Lasts 1d4 hours. Mushroom Tonic 75-76% (costs 50 credits, awards 7 fun points): a drink that makes a new man out of you! Gets the drinker drunk with a thimble-sized portion, shrinks the victim to 6 inches tall, and makes the character’s hair “poof” out in a mushroom shape. Lasts 1d6 hours and leaves the person with a terrible hangover. Mussels 77-78% (costs 50 credits, awards 7 fun points): increase P.S. by 10 but they become so muscle-bound reduce P.P. and Spd by half and -1apm. Lasts 1d6hrs per mussel. Peanuts 79-80% (costs 25 credits, awards 15 fun points): victim suffers the “call of nature” every 1d4 hours or uncontrollably when under stress. Lasts 1d4 days. Pears 81-82% (costs 100 credits, awards 20 fun points): creates a temporary physical double of the victim (like the Doppleganger spell) but of the opposite alignment. Exists for 2d42 days. Note: the double will automatically dislike its opposite and flee from him. Pigeon Roast 83-84% (costs 25 credits, awards 15 fun points): victim will believe anything he is told while under the effects. Lasts for 24hrs. Red Wine 85-87% (costs 50 credits, awards 7 fun points): extreme drunkenness for 2d6hrs, 5s,p,d, and Spd. Skunk Cabbage 88-89% (costs 25 credits, awards 10 fun points): causes the character to have an offensive body odor which can be smelled up to 10ft away. Thankfully the smell only lasts 1d6 hrs. Anyone who smells must roll under M.E. stat to avoid vomiting. Sloe Gin 90-92% (costs 50 credits, awards 7 fun points) : reduce victim’s speed and apm by half for 1d6 days. Has the same effects as regular alcohol for the full duration. Squash 93-95% (costs 75 credits, awards 10 fun points): reduce the victim to one-half normal size for 1d6 weeks (only the physical body shrinks - not clothes, weapons, equipment, etc.) Tomatoes 96-97% (costs 50 credits, awards 7 fun points): cause the victim to temporarily grow 1d6 extra toes on each foot making it impossible to wear normal shoes boots. -10% Prowl, +5% to Climb. Lasts 1d6 months. Turkey 98-99% (costs 75 credits, awards 10 fun points): victim becomes obnoxious and irritating for 1d4 days. Tarts 00% (costs 100 credits, awards 15 fun points): victim becomes extremely amorous and giddy almost as if he was drunk and falls in love with every person he sees of the opposite sex. Lasts 1d4 days.

Funnel Cake – (costs 1000 credits for the Tasty Bake Oven to bake the cake to the tune of Patty Cake, Patty Cake, Baker’s Man! Bake me a Funnel Cake as fast as you can!) You’ll have a ton of fun with the funnest FUNNEL CAKE around! The Funnel Cake can be carved into 8 even portions. Every participant to partake and consume his entire slice is magically whisked away to a Funnel Tunnel — the funnest tunnel around! This Fun Tunnel acts like a Bottomless Ball Pit of Chutes and no Ladders in a pocket dimension of your very own. Lasts 1 hour per cake, entire cake must be consumed. Awards 7 fun points per person.

FAERIE BUFF FOODS (10 of any non-UTC credits are acceptable – Tolkeen / Lazlo / CS / FoM / Psy / etc. NOT ACCEPTABLE – Blood Marble / Modeus Coins / Splynn Credits / Black Market / etc., certain items can be traded), EFFECTS ARE NOT CUMULATIVE, AVAILABLE WHILE SUPPLIES LAST (wink), AWARDS NO FUN POINTS, HAS NO EFFECT WHILE INSIDE THE CARNIVAL POCKET DIMENSION:

PES ((Psychic Extrasensory Synthesizer) standard dispenser, candy must be dispensed from a PES dispenser for desired effect) (costs 1 of ANY scroll per dispenser and PES pack) – Cherry – bestows the eater with the psychic power of Mentally Possess Others, Grape – bestows the eater with the psychic power of Telemechanic Possession, Lemon – bestows the eater with the psychic power of Psychic Omni-Sight, Orange – bestows the eater with the psychic power of Mind Block Auto-Defense, Raspberry – bestows the eater with the psychic power of Psi-Sword, Strawberry – bestows the eater with the psychic power of Machine Ghost, Lasts 5 minutes per charge, each PES pack contains 6 charges, Psi-powers effectively 5th level.

Air Heads – Reduce I.Q. by 15 points and reduce P.B. by 5 points. Add 5 to P.P. and 10 to Spd. The character’s head puffs up and becomes spongy and mushy like the skin is stretched out over a balloon. Lasts for 1 hour.

Jelly Belly – The character can now laugh like Old Saint Nick and his tummy rumbles like a bowl full o’ jelly! The stomach completely distends and takes on a very rubbery / squishy look and feel! Character becomes naturally buoyant with a base Swim Skill of 75% and a swim Spd of 12. Lasts for 1 hour.

Tootsie Roll – Makes the character’s breath emit a pheromone that is attractive to the opposite sex. +5 P.B. +15% Seduction. Lasts for 1 hour.

Sour Patch Kids – Put the character in a very bad mood. Grumpy and irritable. +5 P.E. and +5 M.E. Lasts for 1 hour.

Gummy Bears – Makes the character green and pliable like Gumby. 15% to Escape Artist, Ambidexterity (1apm), and +2 P.P. Lasts for 1 hour.

Fireball – Sucking on this candy gives you DRAGON BREATH! …and halitosis. Reduce P.B. and M.A. by 2 for anyone within 5ft — the breath smells stanky! The character can “Spitfire” in magical fireballs for 1d4x10 M.D, 100ft, +3 to strike. Spitfire twice per candy. Lasts for 10 minutes.

Gobstopper – Sucking on this candy makes you harder to hurt. Increase S / M.D.C. by 25 points. However, unless a successful save vs. Magic is made you are compelled to curl into the fetal position and close your eyes to “nurse.” Any able-bodied female nearby is a potential target for the wanton ministrations of your “Gobstopping.” Affects members of any sex equally. The compulsion and extra durability last for 1 hour.

Jawbreaker – Sucking on this candy will cause intense amounts of pleasure over the next 30 seconds. Make a save vs. Magic. If the save vs. Magic is successful you can resist the urge to continue sucking. If not you feel compelled to continue the rapture. In the next 30 seconds your jaw begins to click, then crack, then pop out of the socket, until it is completely broken. Not a nice prank to pull! In the alternative, the candy can be hurled with a +5 to strike on top of and any Targeting / Thrown weapons bonuses — magically, unerringly smashing the “Jaw” of whatever it’s aimed at. Treat this as a “called shot” with a required roll of 12 or better to hit before situational modifications are made. Lasts for 1 hour if sucked. Each Jawbreaker does 3 M.D. on a thrown strike but QUINTUPLE DAMAGE on a successful “Jaw-break.”

Fun Dip – The ultimate PRANK CANDY! This candy can be Skinny Dipped – Fun Dip must be ingested but it causes dehydration damage, withering, and frailty — causing the victim to become extremely emaciated and brittle and have all the water instantly evaporated. Does 3d4 M.D. akin to Dessicate the Supernatural. Or this candy can be Chunky Dunked – Fun Dip must be ingested but it causes bloating, retaining water, obesity and lethargy. Equivalent of Speed of the Snail. Reduce all combat bonuses and apm by 2/3. Lasts for 10 minutes.

Bazooka Bubble Gum – Each piece of this candy provides 5 full minutes of mouth-watering goodness! Roll D20 to blow bubbles (1-4 is a failures, 5-10 is a decent sized bubble inside of which is another piece of Bazooka Bubble Gum, 11-15 is a large bubble inside of which is a vintage Archie Comic covered in gum and goo, 16-20 is a gigantic bubble inside of which is a real, live pony!). If the gum is swallowed it instantly disappears in place of a gigantic, larger-than-life BAZOOKA! Lasts 5 minutes of chewing, Bazooka has (1) single shot – 2d4x100 M.D.

Dubble Bubble – This candy, when chewed, confronts the eater with a doppleganger’s version of himself, called “Gemini.” When Gemini appears use the stats and alignment of Id Alter Ego. Lasts 1 hour.

Laffy Taffy – The eater of this candy will laugh uncontrollably for the next 1d4 hours until he shits himself, pisses his pants, and even vomits bilious goo until the contents of the stomach are empty. Effects occur in that order over the course of the full duration. Lasts 1d4 hours.

Sweet Tart – Increases the eater’s M.A. by 10 points. The eater of this candy will sport an instant grin and giggle infectiously. His winsome personality will win friends and influence people with the best of ’em! Anyone who comes into contact with this person is at a -10% to resist the effects of Trust and Charm / Impress. Intimidation suffers a penalty if attempted while under the effects of Sweet Tart. Lasts 1 hour.
Nerds – The eater of this candy is instantly transformed into a bookworm! Glasses, suspenders, and even a pocket protector appear out of thin air and cannot be removed. Increase I.Q. by 20 but decrease P.S., P.P., P.E., P.B., and Spd by 10 each. Anyone who comes into contact with this person will have to roll to save vs. Magic to resist making fun of this person, hazing them, and generally teasing and annoying them. Lasts 1 hour.

Sugar Straws – the eater of this candy goes fucking berserk! CUCKOO for COCOA PUFFS!!! Hyperactivity of a Juicer, twitchy, nervous, cannot be surprised, gains auto-dodge, and all applicable Juicer bonuses. Lasts 1d4 minutes.

Jolly Rancher – the eater of this candy will be amazed at how easy farm work can be while under the influence of a Jolly Rancher! Add +20% to Animal Husbandry, Land Navigation, Pilot: Tractor / Treaded Vehicle, Taming, Wilderness Survival, ID Plants / Animals, etc.

Pop Rocks – this crackly candy doesn’t just melt in your mouth it snaps, crackles, and POPS!!! The sensation numbs the lips and imbues the eater with the ability to understand and speak all languages at 92% Lasts 1 hour.

Swedish Fish – the eater of this candy gradually turns a bright red complexion over the next 30 seconds. His skin becomes more scaly and is eventually replaced by scales entirely, fins, flippers, gills, and a gaping kissing goldfish mouth. Swim as the Fish but with a speed of 40 and a depth tolerance of 2600ft (half a mile). Lasts 1 hour.

Twizzlers – the eater of this candy sprouts Twizzlers from his fingers, eyes, lips, ears, mouth and nose to become a living, breathing avatar of the TWIZZLER GOD!!! This change in appearance confers no stat bonuses but instead a Horror Factor of 25. Lasts 1 hour.

Warheads – this super-hot and super-sour candy will literally make your head explode. Why would you do that to yourself? The eater of this candy literally undergoes a horrific trauma of brain explosion. Brains and blood and gore splatter EVERYWHERE and on everyone in a 2d6x10ft radius — exponentially more gore than a human brain or even body could ever hope to contain; there is no dodge or saving throw EVERYTHING and EVERYONE is covered in gore and viscera and intestines and innards and brain juice and shitloads of dirty ass blood and guts. This is NOT an illusion. The character for all intents and purposes IS DEADNOT A COMA. Lasts 1 hour.

Wacky Tobacky – Gandalf’s very own tabacco! This can be smoked out of any paraphernalia from a bat / one-hitter to a bowl and even a bong or hookah. Those who inhale directly from the source feel a sense of euphoria wash over them and will experience hallucinations that can range from the giddy and giggly to the downright creepy. Some of these apparitions and hallucinations may have their own HF / Awe factors. For those who partake through indirect or second-hand inhalation a feeling of relaxation and mellow east permeates their entire being. People will feel reluctant to fight, avoid confrontation, and are much more likely to find non-violent solutions to any problem. Lasts 1 hour.

Pickled Punks – “Pickled punks” is the carny term for human fetuses preserved in jars of formaldehyde and used as sideshow attractions. Well here in the Russian Roulette Circus Carnival of Death they’re ON THE MENU!!! The famous pickled punks are well known around the Megaverse for being an aphrodisiac and delicacy. They are steeped in amniotic fluid and preserved magically without the formaldehyde and vinegar. They are housed in jumbo-sized pickle jars with all manner and variation of In Utero Deformity. Pickled Punks are packed with nutrition and immuno-boosters and stem cells and essential vitamins, minerals, and amino acids. The fortifying nutrients enter the blood stream and go straight to the weakest part of the body and enhance it with Pickled Punk Power. Increase the CHARACTER’S LOWEST ATTRIBUTE by 2 points permanently.

The Stone-Child of Sens – The Stone-Child is one of the most famous punks because it isn’t pickled! The Stone-Child is a lithopaedion that grew, lived, and died within the confines of its mother’s womb. Instead of being born it was never actually removed from the uterus and calfcified and eventually ossified until it turned to hardened bone. The value of the Stone-Child is immeasurable as there is only one like it in existence. Consuming the Stone-Child will increase the character’s TWO LOWEST ATTRIBUTES by 5 points PERMANENTLY and increase the character’s TWO HIGHEST ATTRIBUTES by 5 points permanently.

Cherry Poppin’ Cupcakes – baked-in faeries, trapped, but kept alive an inch from death with only one or two hit points. When you chomp into this tasty treat your mouth is instantly treated to a gushing rush of cherry filling and viscous yummy good! In one swift stroke the imprisoned faerie expires into the baked good and you can happily absorb double P.P.E. released at moment of death. Good to the last drop!

RIDES (unfinished — omit)

Bumper Cars – Entry n – The riders of the bumper cars are each given his own bumper car to thrash about and smash other riders with.

Teacups

Roller Coaster

Swings

Gravitron

ATTRACTIONS

Fun House – Guess the Spells – Entry – 10 fun points per person – Theoretical – You and your companions take a walk on the wild side! Test your mettle and your resolve to see if you have what it takes to make it through the zany maze of whacky mystic obstacles! Actual – The Fun House is designed to react to its occupants. With each successful guess you can get further into the Fun House. You earn more tickets and permanent bonuses to your character the further you can go without losing. Enter as a team and each person gets ONE guess without group collaboration (this can be done by writing your guesses on paper and submitting it to the GM), the Fun House is reading your thoughts! No Lore: Magic rolls are necessary — this is strictly OOC knowledge. Use the following scenarios:

1) The fun house walkway goes dark as you walk into the entrance and off to your left. The entire area is dark, magically so, and even Nightvision and Thermoptics are obscured. Ahead of you a scene of a bathroom appears. You cannot walk into the room. It’s like you’re looking through a perfect glass or a television. The toilet, the shower, the toilet paper, the towel rack, the sink and mirror are ALL in their exact normal locations EXCEPT they are upside-down. You may ask any reasonable questions and I will answer them to the best of your perception-ability. For every scenario there is more than one “correct” answer so don’t be afraid to get creative in your explanation. Possible Answer: Carpet of Adhesion on the ceiling, See in Magical Darkness

1A) The fun house walk way lights up and leads you to the next scenario. The scene before you unfolds with a child’s 6th birthday party. A man dressed in a gas mask and blue cloak has giant black circles drawn where his eyes might be beneath the mask. A pair of bright, ruby red lips is drawn in lipstick on the mouth-filter over the gas mask and a puffy blue curly wig sits atop his head. The children gather around him in amazement, wonder, and awe. He announces in an eerie gas-mask ghostly voice, “for my next trick…the last one of the evening…it may be the last one you’ll ever see!” The children coo and ooh and huddle together with anticipation. All of a sudden there is a brilliant light that fills the room! Then the crash of rolling thunder! Then smoke fills the room! And then…in the next few moments…the magical clown completely disappears. Possible Answer: Blinding Flash / Cloud of Smoke / Thunderclap / Chameleon / Reduce Self 6 Inches / Invisibility

1B) The next scenario: A young man enters a china shop. The store owner is immediately suspicious but suddenly warms up to him. The customer asks the proprietor where his finest china is and then produces a hand-sized hunk of gleaming gold and claiming that he needs a gift for mother’s day! The store-owner has no idea what such an incredible ore is worth but he happily parts with his entire case of the most-valuable wares. Someone’s mom is going to be VERY happy!. As he starts packing up the young man’s new purchases the man offers to help but every single piece he puts into the padded cardboard travel crate cracks and explodes into a thousand pieces. The young man, upset, picks up a big china platter and cracks it in half over his knee. He scoffs at the proprietor and waves his hand and the giant platter all of a sudden is whole and intact! Incredible! The young man, snorts derisively, complains to the proprietor, and leaves in a huff. Possible Answer: Aura of Power / Shatter / Fool’s Gold / Mend the Broken

1C) The fun house walkway leads you to the next scenario — A cloaked man carrying a briefcase with a handcuff around his wrist and the case walks into a bank. He asks to speak to the branch manager and waits patiently while the self-important man makes his way around the screening area. The cloaked man happily opens up the briefcase and a massive pile of gold coins, gems, credit chips, and precious stones dazzle their eyes. The cloaked man is very insistent about his valuables being stored away as soon as possible and in the safest, most-secure vault the bank has. The manager assures him that once his deposit has entered the bank it would NEVER leave — so impregnable are its walls and security measures — and his valuables would be stored straight-away. The bank manager coughed into his sleeve to hide his smirk and silently decided to go for lunch and a trip to the brothel before doing any more work. The cloaked man slips the cuffs off himself though he hands the key straight to the bank manager and helps the other man to attach the cuffs. He then leaves without a backward glance. In the next five minutes the manager nervously rushes to the back of the bank where the most secure vault lays impregnable and secret behind ultra-thick duracrete and MDC reinforced steel. He enters the key code, enters the vault, but can’t get the cuff off himself. He hesitates for a minute before walking into the vault and closing the door behind himself and locking it. No more than a few minutes later the door to the vault opens and the cloaked man is standing outside the door. He appears to have just finished inputting the key code. The manager waits patiently while the cloaked man empties every single deposit box into his coat pocket and then starts to walk into the wall casually. He stops abruptly and tsks to himself with a chuckle and a backwards glance at the proprietor. He then walks out the vault door and as the manager peeks his head out to watch the man make his escape he sees the tail of the cloak disappear out the side wall of the bank. Possible Answer: Force Bonds / Second Sight / Domination / Compulsion / Charm / Escape / D-Step

2) The fun house walk way leads you to the next scenario — lit up until you reach your next destination. A scene appears before you of a bedroom, darkened at night with only the light of the moon shining in on a young woman sleeping soundly. All of a sudden you hear the sounds of deep, heavy breaths. They are very soft at first but gradually louder until they can no longer be ignored. The young woman starts to toss and turn in an agitated slumber. The noise gets louder until it eventually wakes the woman up with a start and a gasp and you can see the rictus of horror on her face. Possible Answer: Heavy Breathing

2A) A mystic brothel lights the night for travelers off the beaten path. The madam has a glow about her that endears her to all of her clientele. She has never let a customer go unsatisfied. She always manages to match the clients up with their desired woman and fantasy. She can even help in the arousal department if the need “arises.” Possible Answer: Illusion / Metamorphosis / Charismatic Aura / Create Wood / Tongues

2B) The next scenario appears and a team of terrorists is huddled around a smoldering cooking fire. They are dressed in the garb of mages and ley line walkers especially. They are passing around a pipe that appears to be stuffed with herbs and incense and is glowing with ashes. Everyone looks stoned except one man and he just looks frustrated. The others appear to be sharing a laugh…or lots of laughs…at his expense. All of a sudden a canister falls into their midst — and then another! It begins spewing and emitting a noxious cloud of gas. From within the smoke you hear a fit of coughing and vomiting and retching and the sounds of confusion and commotion. A team of CS grunts strides confidently into the camp without even raising a gun. Then, all of a sudden, you hear terrible screams and see a massive monster appear and begin to fight the grunts menacingly. The terrorists, giddy with giggles scatter like roaches from out of the cloud. Possible Answer: Breathe Without Air / Apparition / Fear

2C) The next scenario is rather short: A mage hides in the shadows in an alley in a city. He skulks silently, blending in with his surroundings, and all but disappearing as he hops from shadow to shadow. He appears to be shrouded in darkness. He isn’t moving quickly but very quietly…this goes on for a few minutes until he stops below a tall skyscraper. He utters a quiet word and begins to scale the wall effortlessly. Every story or so he utters a few more words and the security cameras on this side of the building fritz out and go dark. He makes his way upward like this until he is finally at the penthouse level. The balcony door is locked and trapped with a silent alarm but with a few utterances he blocks the transmitting frequency. A moment later it opens effortlessly beneath his fingers. When he enters the room, he is treated to the sounds and purview of ecstasy and passion. The most beautiful woman he has ever lain eyes upon is bent over the giant octuplet-sized King Bed and moaning at the ministrations of her bald, fat, lover. The thief forces himself to concentrate and it’s as if he is surrounded by deathly silence, silent and deadly — the sounds of debauchery are completely blotted out, but so are his own. The thief silently pads to the wall, finds the hidden safe — it’s old school. The thief knows just the thing, he drops the silence and chants again as softly as he can — the mechanical parts bind and crap out then he utters a spell again and the safe opens in an instant. He unloads its precious contents and deposits everything in the tiny pouch on his belt. He’s home free! Making his way back to the balcony he gets a wicked thought. The thief slips out the door, chants and locks it permanently. He then peers in the window and takes a long hard look at the crazy abusive sonofabitch who had this coming…and begins disrobing. He strips down to nothing — naked as a Jaybird and starts to stroke his cock and begin uttering the magical words all the while watching the most beautiful woman that money can buy. The thief’s concentration wavers a little as he begins to climb up the balcony railing, balancing precariously. He wobbles, like a reed in the wind, he bows, still hard as a rock with vengeance and anger and…he begins to fall backwards…and the spell goes off. BLAMMO! In the next instant the thief finds himself inside the liquid ecstasy of a tight hole and clenching keigel muscles and rhythmic pounding. He savors the sensation and glances at the balcony to see the bewildered asshole topple ass over tea-kettle and plummet. Possible Answer: Shadow Meld / Cloak of Darkness / Chameleon / Energy Disruption / Dimensional Pocket / Negate Mechanics / Globe of Silence / Frequency Jamming / Swap Places

3) The fun house walk way lights up and leads you to the next scenario. At the next destination you are treated to the scene of an old man, alone, sitting slouched over in front of a well. His bones look like they ache and his movements are ponderous and painful. He slowly leans against the old stones and pulls himself upward. Then he begins to crank the wheel of the well which pulls a bucket of sloshing dirty water up and out of the darkness. The old man’s grimace of pain gradually changes into a grin of glee until the bucket is finally within his grasp. He pauses for a minute and smiles out of the corner of his mouth, pursing his lips. With all the strength he can muster he raises the bucket up to his lips and slakes his thirst heartily. In the next minute his entire composure changes as he slumps down against the well, yet again, and casually drops the bucket from his grasp, upending its contents onto the floor. When he collapses, his eyes are droopy and his tongue lolls out of his mouth. He has the biggest shit-eating grin on his face and starts to snore heavily. Possible Answer: Water to Wine on the bucket of water

3A) The next scenario plays before your eyes. A woman sits in front of a vanity. She examines herself closely in a hand-held mirror as she tries different looks and styles of makeup. It appears as though not just her makeup is changing but also her facial features and even her hair color. Finally she seems to settle on one she likes and utters a few words. The image in the mirror crystallizes and she sets the mirror down and pics up another hand-held mirror. She repeats the process until finally settling on another look and solidifies this image in the new mirror. The woman then holds both mirrors up before her and looks indecisive. She mutters something and all of a sudden she appears, in real-time, in every mirror in the room — moving in concert with at least 3 other versions of herself. A pigeon rushes into view in a flurry of feathers and hones in on the real McCoy without being fooled. It delivers a message aloud but, during the middle of the recording it is suddenly pushed away and it flies off frazzled in a tizzy. Possible Answer: Reflection / Metamorphosis / Magic Pigeon / Repel Animals / Mirror Image

3B) The next scenario: A full-conversion cyborg sits at the bar hopelessly ordering round after round of drinks — pointlessly wasting his money and never getting drunk. A fellow patron, sympathetic to his plight walks up to the man, gets in his face, and asks him a grave question to which the cyborg nods solemnly. The patron turns to the bartender and waves him away telling him not to serve any more drinks. He then waves his hand and the cyborg’s armor visibly chars as if it has been pretty badly damage. The cyborg, still unfazed, scoffs and goads the patron again. The fellow leans in to the bionic-ear of the cyborg and whispers a few words. The cyborg, without a scratch on his body, his face crinkles and shrivels, and he falls over instantly in a coma. Possible Answer: Armorbane / Deathword

3C) The next scenario: A lone mage bravely stands his ground against two evil-looking, wicked martially trained magic-users. They glow fiercely and carry glowing weapons with brilliant red and black runes trailing down the sides. The lone mage utters a few words and his fists begin to glow as well. In the next action he actually catches the sword swing of one of the runed swords in his hand and holds it for a moment. He stands back as the bewildered looks on his assailants faces overtake their former confidence. The lone mage steps forward with a grin and goads them into attacking him — seemingly fearless. Does he knows something they don’t know? Possible Answer: Fist of Fury / Featherlight / Reality Flux

4) The fun house walk way lights up and leads you to the next scenario. The scene is one of a Coalition patrol squad in the Chi-Town Burbs. A squad of dog boys appear in full battle regalia and their psi-stalker pack master is barking instructions seriously while leading them through the streets. From your vantage you can see a young man crouching in the shadows with a wicked grin on his face. He whispers something and in the next moment the dog boys are scratching and pawing at themselves uncontrollably. The psi-stalker spins and looks directly at the pocket of shadows in which the man is hidden but, oddly, doesn’t move or approach. The young man grins directly at the psi-stalker and casually strolls away. In the distance you can see the dog boys rolling all over the floor like crazed mutts. Possible Answer: Summon Insects, Summon Vermin, Mystic Invisibility

4A) A man approaches another man asking for a cigarette. The first man then, apologizing, also asks the man for a light. With an annoyed look the man hands him a lighter. In an instant the flame flares and burns the man’s entire hand. The second man apologizes professing he has never had any problems with the lighter before. He then waves his hand and utters something and offers the man another cigarette to replace the first. The man lights this one without any problems but looks bewildered when he doesn’t feel the nicotine buzz. He looks at the cigarette. It’s lit. He inhales harder this time. Then again. Then passes it back to the man and claims that there is something clearly wrong with his cigarette. Possible Answer: Burst into Flame / Breathe Without Air

4B) The next scenario shows a robed figure standing in the middle of a massive metropolis. People are milling about on all sides of him going about their business — the ants are marching. All of a sudden the man lifts his hands to the sky and begins chanting. Within a few seconds the ground is torn asunder, splits apart, and jets of flame spit upwards while the earth rolls and rumbles. The passersby are helpless and get caught in gouts of fire and fall to the floor scorched like burnt buns on a barbecue. In the middle of that turmoil the ground further splits apart creating a gaping chasm and replacing the flame gouts with a giant lava flow. The man turns and looks at…the same man. It looks like his exact identical twin. Then another one approaches from the other side…his exact identical twin! The original looks at them both disapprovingly and frowns. Possible Answer: Firequake / River of Lava / Earthquake / Illusory Terrain / Id Alter Ego / Id Self

4C) The next scenario is very brief: A mage sits in the middle of a clearing, chanting, and waving his hands until a giant golden glowing bubble appears around him. A few robed figures enter the clearing, winded, sprinting. They begin casting spells directed at the mage in the clearing — fireballs are thrown, anti-matter spheres fly out, lightning rains down from the sky — all are stopped by the sphere and harmlessly dispersed. Then, one of the men approaches to get closer, holds his two fingers to his forehead, and it appears as though the mage in the bubble — the one who was laughing maniacally, all of a sudden went deathly still and fell over…unmoving. Possible Answers: Paralysis: Lesser / Suspended Animation / Null Sphere / Energy Field / Fireball / Firebolt / Call Lightning / Annihilate

5) You follow the fun house walkway to the next scenario and see a sea of humanity. Hundreds of thousands of people are gathered around a podium to watch Prosek speak. The aging man has stripes of gray down the side of his hair and he is surrounded by an incredible force of bodyguards and protective forces. Near the front row you are treated to the shadow of the back of a man’s hooded head. It appears to be nodding rhythmically. Prosek begins to give his speech and no sooner does he start talking than his voice can no longer be heard. It looks, however, like his lips are still moving. Possible Answer: Mute / Globe of Silence

5A) The next scenario is short. A mage sits, meditating, and casts a spell. A hole appears in the air but it just hangs there. He casts another spell and he is whisked away to another place that is completely black but illuminated by indirect otherworldly light. Oddly, he waves a hand and reappears back in reality and the hole in the air is still hanging there. He walks through it and completely disappears from view. Possible Answer: Astral Hole / Time Hole

5B) The next scenario shows a man timid, quivering in fear, and paranoid looking over his shoulder. In front of him you see the world is twisted and skewed and everything looks demonic and evil. Twisted, hall of mirrors, carnival fun-house, craziness. The man curls into a ball in the fetal position and looks like he’s trying to close his eyes or sleep…but he can’t sleep. Possible Answers: World Bizarre, Curse of the World Bizarre, Warped Space

5C) Deep in the Chi-Town burbs at one of the power grid sub-stations a few meddling kids break into the plant and begin a ritual. All of a sudden the dog boy on guard duty barks and races over to sound the alarm. However, as he gets closer he is suddenly overcome with the urge to find some books…and announces as much. Odd. Some Dog Boys are literate. Just then the ritual goes into affect and the sub-station goes completely dark…and so does the surrounding 20 city blocks. Possible Answer: Compulsion / Impervious to Energy / Energy Disruption
6) The fun house walkway leads you to the next scenario. You see the scene of a man standing on the ledge of a very tall building. He shouts down at the crowd gathered below, “I’ll jump! I swear it! It’s all over! I can’t go on living! I’m really gonna do it.” The crowd doesn’t appear to be very concerned for his safety or well-being. In fact, quite a few people sound like they are chanting for him to jump and one person even snickers and calls shamelessly, “You don’t have the balls to do it!” In that instant the man’s legs bunch and he looks poised to leap off the building. All of a sudden a calm expression comes over his face and he shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly and turns around to step off the ledge. The crowd begins to boo and hiss and shout horrible curses when an ear-piercing shriek announces his descent. The man’s flailing body appears only moments later over the ledge and hurtling through the air, downward toward the ground rushing up to meet his body and smash it into little pieces. This turn of events is met with cheers and a round of applause from the crowd…until, right at the moment of impact, the body appears to fall “through” the street and into blackness — instantly disappearing. His screams can still be heard as if perpetually falling. Two cloaked figures turn away from the crowd, separately, and at different vantages, to leave the scene. One with a smile on his face. The other with a scowl. Possible Answer: Charm / Domination / Bottomless Pit / Weight of Duty /
6A) A man walks up to a cardsharp on the street corner and throws down his credit chip. He is down on his luck and determined to win some money off the poor sod. He believes with the aid of magic he’ll regain his money in no time and it’ll make him feel better to rip this guy off since he believes the cardsharp to be a natural con-artist. He utters a few words and, like magic, the cardsharp appears to be talking nonsense. He starts telling people which is the right card or which cup the walnut is under. He stops for a moment and, after letting the man win 4 in a row he steps to the side and does something secretive with the walnut and the cards. Now when approached and asked which card to pick and which cup the walnut was hiding under — he continued to profess his honest answers…but the walnut was nowhere to be found. The first man walked away wondering how he had been outsmarted but the cardsharp knew better. The house always wins. Possible Answer: Concealment / Teleport Lesser / Words of Truth
6B) Three Ley Lines intersected at a triangular junction — a massive rift arose from the nexus. A mage held the hands of his fellow brothers and mages — 10 in all in the circle of a ritual. Then, out of nothing a bubble of magical energy appeared and enveloped them all and the nexus. Ripples of blue hued energy could be seen arcing across the giant energy field. The rift that arose from the nexus opened, gaping, and swallowing anything in the path. The mages quickly escaped to take defensive positions and watch their terrible construct in action. Possible Answer: Swallowing Rift / Ley Line Triangular Defense System
6C) The next scenario is titillating and frightening at the same time. Even looking at it you feel scared and must roll your horror factor to continue watching the scene unfold. A mage walks forward into a cave that descends steeply. He continues walking in almost total darkness except for the blue hue of magical energy. When he reaches the depths of the cave he begins to pray. A dark, fiery god appears only a few minutes later and stands towering over the mage. No words are exchanged but the god raises his hands to the sky and there appears a giant, flaming red wall. There, within the flames, are the shadows of souls it has devoured…screaming, tortured, in endless agony and burning torment. Possible Answer: Crimson Wall of Lictalon
7) The walkway leads you to the next scenario in the fun house. It is a battlefield scene that appears to be on the outskirts of Tolkien — probably a skirmish in the Coalition Siege. A squad of CS grunts has taken a few Tolkien soldiers captive, shackled, and holed up in a foxhole trench awaiting reinforcements. The scene is relatively quiet for a minute or two until the sounds of combat erupt and explosions sound. They are waylaid by Tolkien guerrilla fighters in what looks like an attempt to rescue the captives. The grunts and their leader take up defensive positions behind the train of prisoners as grenades begin to rain down upon them in a hail of fire. The brave CS grunts instinctively remember their training and fall onto the grenades to protect their superior officers. The Tolkien captives look on this heroic action with barely contained glee and begin to laugh when not one of the grenades actually detonates. Everything goes quiet for the next few moments until the brave grunts begin to look around and eventually stand up and look back and forth to one and other with questioning looks. A cloaked humanoid figure instantly appears in their midst with a scroll in his hand. All of a sudden 15 out of the 20 squad members disappear. The shackled prisoners are out of their bonds in a few seconds and quickly make haste. The five remaining CS soldiers look shocked in astonishment and fear but do nothing to stop the escape. Possible Answer: Implosion Neutralizer / Time Slip / Realm of Chaos / Escape /
7A) The next scenario is a quick one — a man walks into a bar and demands to be served. The bartender grudgingly complies. He downs this drink and quickly asks for another. The bartender says no. The man belligerently insists…and the bartender caves in. The man asks for another and this time the bartender puts his foot down. Definitely not! The semi-drunk man walks around behind the bar toward the casks of ale and kegs of beer at which point the bartender pulls out a sawed off shotgun and points it at the drunkard. The man mumbles gibberish and pretends to stumble on an uneven floorboard. The bartender shoulders the gun and tries to catch the man before he falls into all the precious kegs. The drunk recovers and thanks the bartender for being a fucking prick and walks out of the bar…heading to another one nearby. A quiet, old man sitting at the bar who witnessed the entire scene chuckles to the bartender and asks for some of the drink he was holding out from the drunkard. The bartender gladly complies but he also pours a large tankard for himself and downs it swiftly. The man at the bar also gulps his heartily and asks for another. Odd. Neither man felt much different…or even slightly inebriated. They pour two and then three more tankards waiting patiently for the effects of the alcohol to hit them but nothing ever happens. Possible Answer: Purification
7B) You see a woman standing at a railing on the edge of a boat. A beautiful sunset paints the twilight sky in hues of pink and purple. A man stands just off to the edge of the scene, at the edge of her range of vision. There is a light breeze and her dress billows, ruffling in the wind and affording a glimpse of white, smooth skin. A soft whisper on the air and the woman cocks her head to the side, as if listening to the gentle murmurings of sweet nothings. The man inches a little closer but still stays well out of her range of peripheral vision. The woman looks warm, her face flush, she begins to fan at herself and blush while unbuttoning the three top buttons of her dress. She seems to relish the cool breeze on her skin, leaning into the railing and sneaking a furtive glance to see if anyone is looking. She still doesn’t acknowledge the man but you can now see a smirk on her face when she utters a few words and the, taken unawares, is blown backwards, up and over the railing to fall into the sea. He can see her laughing at him from above and it fuels his anger. He spits water out and curses with a raised fist at her as the ship recedes and the woman fades into the sunset. Not one to be outdone or give up so easily he suddenly sprouts wings from his back, wet in the water, but begins to flap and thrust, and slowly rise up and out of the ocean to fly after the ship in pursuit. Possible Answer: Distant Voice / Whisper on the Wind / Fingers of the Breeze / Wind rush / Winged Flight

8) The fun house walkway path leads you to the next scenario: A scene unfolds before you of an old woman living in a gigantic shoe. Inside of her shoe-house 15 screaming children are all vying for her attention and crying out hungry and angry and upset. Out in the field she nudges one of her cows along toward the house and it comes begrudgingly. Amazingly she is able to heft it all the way up the ankle-neck of the boot and into the top opening. In the blink of an eye the cow drops like a rock down inside the giant boot and the children’s screams are silenced. She then clambers back down the boot and stands at the “steel-toe” with a stern look on her face. The old woman mutters something then bends down and upends the gigantic boot with a look of casual ease and grace. She smiles smugly and sits in the field and goes deathly still. One by one the children crawl out of the ankle of the boot and slowly come around to see their mother laying dead in the new found quiet. Hysterical crying and weeping ensue but over the next few minutes one by one they wander off, away from the shoe, and never look back. Possible Answer: Mystic Fulcrum / Levitate / Featherlight / Death Trance

8A) Kyria Tybus, wealthy socialite of the Lazlo upper-echelons is having a dinner party and you’ve been invited. In fact, you are shocked to notice that you’re assigned seat is actually at HER table! Everyone is mingling before the meal is served when you notice that you’re feeling a little gaseous. You cover your mouth politely when you have to burp…was that a hiccup? It is becoming increasingly difficult to hide the odors emanating from your posterior. When the main course is served you return to your seat and sit with the sound of a whoopie cushion. Oh shit! That’s right. You just let one out and it was juicy and wet and thick with brown. You get everyone’s attention and, instead of excusing yourself you can’t help but scratch like a hound with a case of poison ivy! You feel flaring of itchy all over. You absolutely MUST get to the bathroom. When you stand up to excuse yourself you feel vertigo and dizzy and nearly keel over! You have to be escorted out and become the laughing stock of the entire party when the ambulance that was called refuses to take you to the hospital. The paramedics bitch about a waist of time but they say this one never gets old. Possible Answer: Minor Curse /

8B) A man works on a pig farm and after a romp through the mud his pants and boots look like hell! His boots are untied but he’s managed to keep his hands clean so he can eat his sandwich for lunch without going all the way inside to wash up. A friendly co-worker sees his plight, moseys on over, and offers to help. With a quick utterance the dirty man is completely dirt-free and shiny as new. The co-worker quips that the shoes won’t tie themselves, bends over, and does it the old fashioned way. Later on when the man gets home he finds that he cannot untie the shoe laces and is completely perplexed. He ends up wearing his boots the rest of the night, to bed, and to shower, and all the next day. When he sees his co-worker that next day the man smirks, bends down, and pulls the laces right off the boots. Possible Answer: Forcebonds / Cleanse

9) The next scenario: A woman is on the run from the Coalition Seeker squad. Dog boys and a psi-stalker are hot on her heels. She ducks into an alley, trips on an uneven spot of pavement, and runs headlong into a gang of street toughs and ruffians. Oddly, she gets the sensation that they were expecting her…or someone. They coo and cat call and menace her with intended rape. Immediately she rushes to the nearest door, tries it, but it’s locked — doesn’t even budge. She tries the next two doors and both are sealed shut. A patina of calm washes over her and she gets a seductive look in her eye, calling to the leader so that he should be first and not have sloppy seconds. He gravitates toward her instantly and she begins to whisper in his ear. In fifteen seconds when the CS rounds the corner then instantly pounce on the couple entwined in a hot make-out session and separate the two. The psi-stalker examines them both closely but when he gets to the gang-leader he elbows the man in the gut and slams a shock-baton down on the back of his neck when he doubles over. A fierce knee slams upward into the man’s nose and splatters his face. When the gang-members scatter and flee the woman looks with feigned innocence at the psi-stalker and asks genuinely if he’d like to finish where the gang-leader left off. The CS soldier ignores her and tells the dog boys to restrain the man and bring him along. Their work here is done. Possible Answer: Transferal / Trance / Watchguard / Mystic Alarm /

9A) You see a metal pot, a leprechaun, a pot of gold, and a rainbow. You must be dreaming. Perhaps you just failed your save vs magic. Possible Answer: Fool’s Gold, Rainbow, Illusion

PRIZES: (5) CORRECT – (1) tickets, (10) CORRECT – (2) tickets, (15) CORRECT – (2%) PERMANENT to Lore: Magic skill rolls, (20) CORRECT – (5%) PERMANENT to Lore: Magic skill rolls, (25) CORRECT – (1) PERMANENT to Save vs Magic, (27) CORRECT – (+2) PERMANENT Save vs Magic

Hall of Mirrors – Entry 10 fun points per person – Theoretical contestants engage themselves in battle — reflection-mirror style. Actual – House of Glass, Doppleganger or Id Alter Ego. Roll strictly melee combat as normal with base stats and H.P. There’s only one way to win and that’s by beating yourself into submission. Prizes – (2) tickets and PERMANENT (+1) to P.P.

Haunted House of Horrors – Entry 10 fun points per person – Theoretical – “IT” the super-scary necro-techno clown has created the scariest Horror House in the dimension. Surpass the horrors without shitting yourself or pissing your pants and win the prize! Actual – roll consecutive saves vs Horror Factor using only your HF bonus and no other spells or skills. The more you overcome consecutively the better prizes there will be. Horror Factor checks start at 8 and go upwards in increments of 1. Prizes – (2) Successes – (1) ticket, (4) Successes – (2) tickets, (6) successes – (1) PERMANENT to save vs HF, (8) Successes – (4) Tickets and (2) PERMANENT to save vs HF, (10) Successes – you become scary yourself and now ADD PERMANENT (+2) to your own personal Horror Factor

Battle of Wits / Battle of Wills – Entry 10 fun points per person – Theoretical – You are summoned by your master. Resist and win and you shall be forever free of control. Actual – you enter the arena and the gates close behind you. In a few moments you feel the dimensional tug and pull at your very essence and soul. You are being summoned by someone in an attempt to bind you to their will. Roll the battle of wills against your summoner — yourself. Best 3 out of 5 on D20. Prizes – Win and gain (2) tickets and a permanent (+1) M.E.

Wheel of Fortune – Entrance Fee Your MOST valuable possession (to be determined at time of entry) – Theoretical – A giant golden wheel stands before you…like WHEEL OF FORTUNE…and it is waiting to be spun but you have to ante up with your most valuable possession first. What will the wheel bring you? Good fortune? An actual fortune? A fortune cookie? Actual – roll percentiles and you only get one (1) MULLIGAN. Prize – 01-20% win NOTHING, 21-45% win (1) million credits, 46-60% win (1) scroll of any non-legendary spell in the game or (1) of any item in the game (from any book) with a BMV of less than 20m OR your item back, 61-80% win (1) ANY – spell, super-psionic, super-ability, or weapon MUST HAVE SPELL-CASTING ABILITY / SUPER-ABILITY / OR PSIONIC ABILITY INNATELY, 81-97% win (1) any item in the game from any book, no questions asked, no matter how asinine and ridiculous, 98-00% win (1) anything – no questions asked, any spell / item / weapon / psionic / super-power. You win motherfucker. I hope you’re happy.

Winds of Change – Entrance Fee – Your MOST valuable possession (to be determined at time of entry) – Theoretical – A giant white wheel stands before you…like the PRICE IS RIGHT…and it is waiting to be spun but you have to ante up with your most valuable possession first. What will the wheel weave? What the wheel wills! Who knows what’s in store for you but can you feel that in the breeze? It’s the Wind of Change! Actual – roll percentiles and you only get one (1) MULLIGAN. Prize – 01-20% win NOTHING, 21-45% win (1) trade skill for skill (any at same level) or stat up to 5 points or 50 P.P.E. / I.S.P. / M.D.C. (redistribute in blocks of 10 per stat point — 1 I.Q. = 10 P.P.E., etc.), 46-60% win (1) trade one for one (equal or lesser value) of spell / psionic / weapon, or stat up to 10 points or 100 P.P.E. / I.S.P. / M.D.C. (10 per stat point), 61-80% win (1) trade ANY – (regardless of value) skill, spell, super-psionic, super-ability, weapon, or straight stat boost (no trade) +20 / +200, 81-97% win (1) trade any R.C.C. / O.C.C. in the game from any book, no questions asked, no matter how asinine and ridiculous (retain all experience, equipment, and history / intangibles), 98-00% win (1) Greatest Rune Artifact to be personally designed by Brent and custom-tailored to you, your character, play-style, and preferences…OR any of the other available prizes. You win motherfucker. I hope you’re happy.

Juggler of Flaming TW Chainsaws – Entry 10 fun points per person – Theoretical – test your physical prowess and manual dexterity against the FLAMING CHAINSAW! Actual – feats of physical prowess. Number of attempts is equal to the actions per melee in one round. The number to beat is 20. Roll a D20 and add your straight P.P. bonus to strike to the score. Fail (3) times in a row and you slash your arm off like an amputee and lose the rest of your actions / chances. The Juggling skill adds the skill percentage divided by 10 rounded DOWN as a flat number to your D20 roll. Prizes – (3) successes – (2) tickets, (5) successes – (3) tickets and (1) PERMANENT to P.P., (6) successes – (3) tickets and (+2) PERMANENT to P.P.

Bearded Lady Arm Wrestling – Entry 10 fun points per person – Theoretical – win a feat of strength against the bearded dwarven bitch! She’s as strong as an ox and looks like one too! Lose and it looks like she’ll be fucking your reputation in the asshole since you just LOST TO A GIRL!!!! Actual – Feat of strength. She has a P.S. stat of 20 and the same “class” strength as her opponent (normal / robotic / supernatural). Roll off a D20 and add your FSP damage bonuses to the rolls. Best 3 out of 5 wins. Prize – (2) tickets and a PERMANENT (+1) P.S.

Contortionist – Entry 10 fun points per person – Theoretical – This isn’t your average prepubescent Russian gypsy. This is some no holds-barred Jeffrey Dahmer appendage severing Houdini shit! Your eyes are amazed and your limbs are pliant and malleable as you watch, mesmerized. The limber gymnast leads the class in ayur-vedic yoga and stretching exercises. She sits, calmly, with her body twisted into a human-pretzel and surveys the class while her ankles are resting squarely beneath her neck and her pudenda rests only inches from her nose. The crinkle in her nose could be from rotten tacos. No one can waddle close enough to confirm. Actual – roll your Escape Artist skill for successes out of 10 with only P.P. bonuses — every 1 to strike gives you +10% to perform your skill. Prizes – (1) Success – (1) ticket, (3) Successes – (2) tickets and (2%) permanent to Escape Artist skill, (5) Successes – (3) tickets, (5%) permanent to Escape Artist skill, and (1) permanent P.P., (7) Successes – (4) tickets, (7%) permanent to Escape Artist, and (2) permanent P.P., (10) Successes – you have completely mastered the malleability of the human body. Congratulations. Now go suck a dick. Your own. This is its own reward.

Cardsharp – Entry 10 fun points per person – Theoretical – A masterful dexterous card-shark Cardsharp lures people to his table with the promise of perception and power! Can you guess where the card is? Under which cup is the walnut? It’s tricky isn’t it? Not for this Rahu-man. Having four arms just makes it a little more perspicacious. Actual – roll Perception and add your IQ skill bonus — if any. Best out of 10 wins prizes! Dice checks start at 12 and get incrementally harder by 1 with each round! Prizes – (1) Success – (1) ticket, (3) Successes – (2) tickets and (2%) permanent to all Perception Skills (detect ambush, detect concealment, etc.), (5) Successes – (3) tickets, (5%) permanent to Perception skills, (1) permanent to Perception rolls, and (1) permanent I.Q., (7) Successes – (4) tickets, (7%) permanent to Perception skills, and (2) permanent I.Q., (10) Successes – you have completely mastered the powers of perception. I will most likely make this reward up on the spot and offer to eat my shoe if anyone actually wins.

Tiger Tamer – Entry 10 fun points per person – Theoretical – You have been invited to train with Tony the Tiger Beast! He was captured right here on our very own Rifts Earth. Tony is a giant Bengal Tiger Beast and he is a long way from his home in Dyval. Let’s give him a fresh off the boat welcome and we’ll have him purring like a kitten and eating out of the palms of our hands in no time! Actual – holy shit! A tiger beast is about 8ft tall at the shoulders and almost 20ft long. Are you sure you wanna get into the cage and start testing your animal husbandry skills on it? The thing’s I.Q. is probably higher than yours since it sure as fuck knows better than to do what you’re about to do. RULES: Roll your “taming” skill to play nice with the kitty. Sorry, M.A. bonuses do not apply to this monster. Start at DC of 90% and decrease by 10% with each “successful” roll. With each attempt to tame him Tony becomes increasingly irritable and lashes out at you when you least expect it! Take 5d6 M.D for each failure. If you have either of the applicable skills you may take your regular skill percentages, divide them by 5, and add them as a bonus to make all future percentile rolls. The game is over when you keel over and die or Tony becomes so agitated that he is impossible to tame (01%). You may stop at any time but you don’t get any prizes for dying. Prizes – You’re playin’ with fire! (1) Success – (1) ticket, (2) Successes – (2) tickets and (2%) permanent to all Horsemanship Skills, (3) Successes – (3) tickets, (5%) permanent to all Horsemanship and Animal Husbandry skills, (1) permanent to P.E. and P.S., (5) Successes – (4) tickets, (7%) permanent to applicable skills, and (2) permanent P.E. and P.S., (7) Successes – you have mastered the empathy of animals and can gain the Psionic minor power of “Empathy” but only applicable to animals and monsters, also gain (3) permanent P.E. and P.S. and (50) M.D.C., (8) Successes – you are the proud new owner of Tony the Bengal Dyval Tiger Beast! (9) Successes – Congratulations! You may choose any animal / monster from any book as your new mount without restriction.

Magician – Entry 10,000 credits pp – Theoretical -

Fire-Eater

Sword-Swallower

Matt the Knife – Knife-Thrower

Body-Piercer

Lying on a Bed of Nails -

Snake Lady – Snake Charmer

Human Cannonball -

Flying Trapeze – Cirque du Soleil

Wendigo – Entry 10 fun points per person – Theoretical – The Dyvalian Fenry, Wendigo, has rebelled against his Dyvalian regents and masters to join the carnival and embrace his true calling. He is the quintessential Dire Beast — neither man, nor wolf, and definitely not a werewolf. His show is as informative as it is entertaining. Spectators will get to watch him tear life from limb as he enters the ring with any combatant who challenges him in an ULTIMATE FIGHTING CHAMPIONSHIP. He also shows the audience, after the match, how one’s own strength can be enhanced by consuming one’s enemy. Actual – step into the ring with Wendigo Wolfenstein the Dyvalian Fenry Wolf – if you don’t shit yourself from his horror factor he allows you to take the initiative in a bare-knuckle boxing match to the dark. He informs you that you cannot actually die here in this place but the world can definitely go dark if you get hit hard enough. No armor, no magic, and no psionics are allowed (even if they could be cast in the carnival pocket dimension). Roll your strike, parry, and dodge normally using only boxing and martial arts skills if they are applicable. If you survive three rounds with Wendigo you may add (1) permanently to your P.S. and P.E., if you go unconscious first (either through a K.O. or zero hps) you win only (2) tickets for your effort and trouble, if you beat Wendigo into submission or unconsciousness you win (2) permanently to your P.S. and P.E.

Jabberwocky -

Bandersnatch -

VENDORS

Snake Oil Salesman- Vials of Red Liquid and Vials of Blue Liquid, Gummy Berry Juice, Book with title scratched off by RLS, inside the cover is a serum by H.J. PhD. On the back is inscribed, “Life is Chaos” – E.H.

Dimmu Borgir – Shadow Magic-casting Shadow Warlocks from the plane of Shadow – Stormblast, Enthrone Darkness Triumphant, Spiritual Black Dimensions, Puritanical Euphoric Misanthropia, Death Cult Armageddon

The Vorpal Sword – Tubal Cain the Mystic Kuznya Blacksmith and Armorer

Madame Rue Tussaud – Gypsy Fortune-Teller well-versed in ALL the arts of clairvoyance and future-prediction (Chiromancy – reading palms, Cartomancy – reading cards / tarot, Haruspex (Extispicy) – reading of animal entrails, Oneiromancy – interpretation of dreams, Pyromancy – gazing into the fire, Necromancy – by the dead / spirits and souls of the dead, Spirit Board (Ouija))

Baba Yagah – Voodoo Magic (Big Bad Voodoo Daddy), Louisiana Voodoo (Voodoo Glow Skulls), Haitian Vodoun (Vodoun Vibrations), Southern Hoodoo (Hoodoo Hounds). Voodoo is a a religious system based mainly on beliefs and practices brought from Africa into the Western world, worshipping, and seeking assistance and oracles from divine power, as this was channeled through the visible presence of a specific kind of living creature. The astral presence of the Loa, and their manifestation through possessed devotees. If characters are interested they may pursue mystic knowledge of Hexes through one of the four forms of Voodoo; this is a long-forgotten form of magic that is only now resurfacing in the Megaverse. Any characters who wish to engage Baba Yaga will be regaled with a tale of Voodoo on the Bayou:

sketches by E.W. Kemble

“Voodoo on the Bayou” is the true story of Marie Laveau, the Voodoo Queen of 19th century New Orleans. She was a Louisiana Creole born “free” in New Orleans. Music brought the voodooienne to life through vignettes punctuated with voodoo dancing and drumming. It is the story of a magical person with a spirit that refused to die. According to her obituary in 1881, “Marie Laveau’s name will not be forgotten in New Orleans.” Truer words were never printed. Do not confuse Voodoo with Witchcraft because there are no pacts made and no transfers of power or essence. The voodooienne is a mystic, like a shaman, who connects to spirits and invokes their presence and their power through gratitude and humble prayer and praise — not through bargaining and selling one’s soul. It is even said that, though she did not die, Marie Laveau’s tomb is the site of a secret, underground voodoo workshop.
French Quarter

Not only does the music move the voodooienne back and forth between the astral plane and the real world through the incorporation of voodoo deities as incarnations and spirits and traditional voodoo ceremonies. These rites and rituals invoke an incredibly rich wellspring of power that has lain hidden for eons — it is independent of ley line energy and potential psychic energy. And it can manifest even in magic-poor places — so long as there is connection to the astral plane.

Marie married a Haitian immigrant named Santiago Paris when he came to America. She was a free creole woman who married a free Haitian and was said to be influenced by Roman Catholic upbringing. Her husband introduced her to voodoo and it wasn’t long before she began incorporating some of its practices in her roman catholic service. The vodoun religion appealed to her on a spiritual level; the Loa spirits are easy to identify with and they have very human-like traits and qualities. They laugh, cry, kill, smoke cigars, chase women, and even die. They are easy for a superstitious person to relate to…and most of all, their power is manifest. It comes when asked for, it responds when called, and it works. Faith is neither solicited nor required. The power of Voodoo induces Faith because it works and it astounds…it is visible, and tangible, and very real. Marie Laveau felt this connection. She began to evolve through her practices, working as a hair stylish for the rich and leading secret underground rites and rituals at night. She discovered, by fate, when her husband died that she could reach out and channel the Baron Samedi, a major Loa of the dead or spiritual father of Haitian Voodoo.

He appeared to her under the name Baron La Croix dressed in a top hat, black tuxedo (dinner jacket), dark glasses, and cotton plugs in the nostrils, as if to resemble a corpse dressed and prepared for burial in the Haitian style. He has a white, frequently skull-like face (or actually has a skull for a face) and speaks in a nasal voice.

He is noted for disruption, obscenity, debauchery, and having a particular fondness for tobacco and rum. Additionally, he is the Loa of resurrection, and in the latter capacity he is often called upon for healing by those near or approaching death, as it is only Baron who can accept an individual into the realm of the dead.

Baron Samedi spends most of his time in the invisible realm of voodoo spirits. He is notorious for his outrageous behavior, swearing continuously and making filthy jokes to the other spirits. He is married to another powerful spirit known as Maman Brigitte, but often chases after mortal women. He loves smoking and drinking and is rarely seen without a cigar in his mouth or a glass of rum in his bony fingers. Baron Samedi can usually be found at the crossroad between the worlds of the living and the dead. When someone dies, he digs their grave and greets their soul after they have been buried, leading them to the underworld.

When Marie Laveau discovered that she could see and hear and contact the Loa she ascended to the throne of Queen of the Voodoos of New Orleans. She truly evolved into a spiritual being through experiencing the pain and suffering of those who come to her for help. Her only hope is to restore cosmic balance between good and evil, order and chaos, righting wrongs and wronging rights as the preservation demands. Life must go onward. Marie’s wish is granted and she comes to see the divine as you hopefully will one day.
Dance CalindaThe Night of the Voodoos on St. John’s Eve at Bayou St John, a night of power under a full moon, and in the presence of the Loa. From there, Laveau leads her congregation to a cemetery where she says her own tomb will be erected and there they encounter the Guedehs, the voodoo deities who live there. These deities aren’t like gods you know when you think of the divine. They are spirits of an older, natural order that do not require worship or fealty or homage or sacrifices or even laws and rules. They exist and have always existed like spirits…primal forces…and they evolve with the cosmos.

We see Marie in her daily Creole life as a hairdresser and voodoo practitioner interacting with colorful clients, associates and more voodoo deities. She helped cure people of ailments, helped heal people of unnatural wounds, helped matchmaking and wrong-righting and revenge and love-finding — like a witchdoctor. A rivalry developed with a voodooienne, Rosalie, who was jealous and foolishly used and abused voodoo to cheat, scam, lie, steal, and malign the unsuspecting. The Loa does not differentiate and the Guedehs do not know the difference. They just are. They give freely and never ask for anything in return. It is up to the voodoo practitioners to police themselves and to create a balance among their order. For every practitioner like Marie there is an antithesis like Rosalie. So this rival, Rosalie, created a legal dispute about Marie’s business to prevent her ascension to the voodoo queen throne. This is settled in court along with some other humorous voodoo cases that are casually disregarded by most regular people. Marie is found not guilty and ascends to the the throne of Queen of the Voodoos.
French Quarter Marie Laveau was immersed in historical New Orleans often found herself called, like a priest, to comfort condemned prisoners in their cells. She was a giant weight that walked a straight line along the fulcrum of a seesaw. No matter which way it would teeter or totter by walking squarely in the middle things righted themselves and evened out. One day she attended the execution of a man she had visited the day before on his last day in a cell and it went awry. The prisoner was hanged and through some incredible circumstances he continued to breathe even after they hung for minutes. Then when he was still for another few minutes the rope began to fray. Then he began to breathe again and writhe and cry out with a gasp! The crowd was so shocked and stunned that the sheriff produced his pistol and shot the man through the heart and still he cried out. Calling, “Mother Laveau! The Loa shall…not…take me.” This was the last public execution in Louisiana. We discovered this later, at a political rally while “Running on the Hoodoo Ticket,” that voodoo was being blamed for the botched execution.
Marie was a great healer and nurse. Her skills in voodoo were put to the test during the great Yellow Fever epidemic of 1853. She could be found praying in church for those afflicted. Years later she died a normal death and thousands who attended the funeral witnessed her rise up from her tomb and patently refuse to stay buried. To this day her spirit returns every year on The Night of the Voodoos on St. John’s Eve at Bayou St. John.

Bix “Clyde” Beiderbecke – Alcohol Magic – Bix goes by the name Clyde and works here at the roving russian circus-carnival as a tavern keeper and brewmaster. His establishment is shabby and dark but smells richly of barley and hops and grapes and fermentation. He has an alchemist’s workshop and laboratory rife with equipment and ingredients to grow the most potent and delicious delicacies of ingredients and then process them and ferment them into a gourmand’s alcoholic delight! Clyde introduces himself as the proprietor of Xeven (pronounced “heaven”) and the purveyor of liquid pleasure. He is something of a cross between a Witch and a Warlock. He does not make a pact with a supernatural entity in exchange for power so he cannot be classified as a traditional witch. However, he has dedicated his life to the worship of a secret Pantheon of Alcohol-oriented deities from many other random pantheons. This secret society of practitioners acknowledges all the gods in the pantheon and invokes aspects of each one to practice their magic. Alcohol Magic is a more traditional form of magic that relies on Potential Psychic Energy to fuel spells but these invocations are unlike ANYTHING that has ever been cast by a Mystic or Ley Line Walker. The deities in the Pantheon of Alcohol are: Ninkasi (goddess of beer), Siris (demon-goddess of beer), Siduri (alewife – wise female deity associated with fermentation), Ngeshtin-ana (goddess of the heavenly grape), Dionysus (god of wine and orgies), Sulak (demon lurker in the bathroom), Demeter (goddess of grains and the harvest). If this magic is pursued one of the unfortunate side-effects is the gradual loss of all other schools of mystic knowledge (including regular invocation magic). If someone shows interest he will teach them a secret way to order and drink a drink at the bar that will be instantly recognizable to other practitioners of the Alcoholic Magic Arts.

“Straight up, down the hatch, on the rocks, in a scratch, shaken, stirred, neat, and served…”

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Ladies in Hades and the Dyval Wears Prada Witchcraft