Jaena Slayne's DX Diag

The Rise of Jaena Slayne…

Trent encounters Jaena in one of her five satellite store locations — spread to cover as much of Lazlo as possible. Jaena Slayne is the owner of a successful enterprise called TWings ‘n Things with the slogan: Offering the Megaverse an alternative to orthodox spell-casting! The techno-wizard item market was virtually saturated with all manner of devices but wasn’t accessible to the common person. The items were expensive, their effects were confusing, and their culture was exclusive. Jaena revolutionized the industry. Her hands-on approach to all things technical and magical allowed her to really roll up her sleeves and get her hands dirty. Her designs have been praised by the New Lazlo Magazine as “visionary!” She has been lauded for commendations from the New Lazlo Times on her “Techno-Revolution!” She was awarded the Nobel Prize in Engineering in the Kingdom of Magic for the Proliferation of Ideas and the Accessibility of New Technology. She’s even been called the “Steve Jobs” of Sex Kitten Magazine by Rolling Stoned! Her latest 10-page pin-up spread as the centerfold of the October “Halloween” issue of D-Bee-B&D Magazine has already sold more than 100 million copies — providing the patient-waiters of doctors’ waiting rooms everywhere with two jaw-dropping handfuls of Halloween Candy.

Excerpt from Sex Kitten Magazine expose:

A quick rise to fame is often ensued by a fall from grace if not glory. To cement her position as one of Rifts Earth’s premier Techno-Wizardry device manufacturers she has localized her production facilities with intensive quality-control and state-of-the-art manufacturing techniques. She employs over a hundred metaphysical-energy manipulators and engineers in one of the fastest-growing companies of 110 PA.

Editor: I sit across from a tall, Elven woman whose age I cannot even guess at. She looks almost True-Atlantean but her stature, posture, and composure are straight out of Hades. That knowing smile feels like it’s already looked deep into my soul and is gleefully entertaining the possibilities. "Jaena, to what do you owe your recent rise to claim the “youngest” and “sexiest” Entrepreneur of the Year Awards in 110 PA by two completely different metrics…and demographics?

Jaena: “I am a visionary. I have seen society’s desires and I have dedicated my life and my business to fulfilling them. With products like the Techno-Wizard Blow-Dryer, the TW Face-Lift, the TW Make-Over Madness I’m appealing to the Modern Woman. Society’s socialites don’t want a techno-wizard flashlight they want the D-Bee-B&D Techno-Wizard FleshLight!” she says with a giggle.

Editor: Gulp. “Wow Jaena! That sounds naughty. So you’ve built your techno-wizardry empire on a pile of sex toys? I’m impressed. Now, be honest, where did the inspiration for these products come from?”

Jaena: “What? An orgasm isn’t inspiring enough?” She pauses thoughtfully while gauging my reaction. “Peter, you’re blushing!” she gushes. “Well the TW Rabbit is more than just a vibrator for today’s modern woman; it commands a low-powered version of the Shockwave incantation with Fingers of the Wind — pleasurable, economical, and fun. The Deluxe version TW Bunny Buddy builds on the Rabbit version but adding in Distant Voice component for whispering Sweet Nothings and a low-powered version of the Electric Shock incantation to really light those nerve-endings on fire!”

Editor: “That’s really impressive.” Gulp. "But that’s not all there is to your TWings ’n Things Business Plan. Your inventory is chock-full of “technology-alternatives” as you call it."

Jaena: “That’s right Peter I have taken every day incantations, combined them, and given my customers household functionality, usefulness, and cost-effective alternatives through Rechargeable P.P.E. clips (a renewable, GREEN energy source) and techno-wizard technology-alternatives. Have you tried my TW Tongue unTwister Chewing Gum?”

Editor: “Uh…erm, I can’t say that I have.” Jaena Slayne has this far-away look in her eye while she reaches into nothingness — must be a dimensional pocket — and pulls out an ordinary packet of gum and then hands it to me with a nod of approval.

Jaena: “Are you hungry?”

Editor: “Now that you mention it, I could definitely go for a bite to eat but I should probably wait until after the interview.”

Jaena: “What wait? Grab a TW Tongue unTwister! Here,” she takes one herself, “I’ll join you.”

Editor: “Sure, what have I got to lose?”

Jaena: “Your distracting hunger — that’s what! Now everyone knows it’s not called techno-wizardry for nothing. What could possibly be technological in chewing gum? What I’ve done is combined a little bit of placebo with some magical know-how and voila! The gum is entirely organic. In fact, chewing it isn’t even necessary for the spell-effect to work. The packet has a small housing with a few gems imbued with the spells Sustain, Cleanse, and Tongues. What could be more fun than sitting down with an eclectic mix of friends, aliens, and D-Bees for an evening of refreshment and entertainment?”

Editor: “That’s a great idea! I’m sure it goes really well with your Night-Before / Morning-After Assemblage. That’s the kit that comes with the TW Anywhere Air Mattress, TW StayPuff Fluff Pillows, TW Anywhere Backdrop, TW Sexclusion Privacy Curtain, TW Erection-Extender, TW Slip ‘n Slide, TW Slumber Party, TW Kinkbonds Cuffs, TW Kitty-Cat o’ Nine Tails, TW Whip of Agonizing Pleasure, TW Dom-Crop, TW Feather-Friendly Latex, TW Leather-Friendly Playtex, TW Heated-Clean Towels, and even TW Contraceptive.”

Jaena: “Peter, that was a great plug. Shamelessly, thank you! And thank you also to Korbin Slayne, my air warlock brother, without whom many of these technology-alternatives wouldn’t be available. For example the TW Contraceptive: Without Keyhole Lightning the device just doesn’t work as intended. Thank you Korbin!”

Jaena Slayne's DX Diag

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